THE LENGTH OF WHAT YOU WROTE AND OTHER THINGS THAT WILL DRIVE YOU CRAZY
My problem isn’t unique to writers. If your personality demands that you and other people get the facts straight, you might cringe when you hear blatantly incorrect statements.
As a cop, I hated to hear crimes mislabeled. Most often, I encountered misuse of the term robbery. People would greet me at the door and say, “My house was robbed.” I got tired of saying, “Sorry, ma’am, only a person can be robbed. You weren’t home when someone broke in. It’s a burglary.” They’d look at me like I just said Santa Claus was a pedophile.
Anyone can feel the pain of improper usage. As a weekend sailor, I loved my gaff rigged Long Island catboat. It was a classic, old-fashioned thing and well-meaning people would smile and say, “That’s a nice schooner.” I’d squint at them, grit my teeth and . . .
For seventeen years we shared our home with a Scottish terrier breeders might call a throwback. Bitsey’s legs were too long, her ears were too big, and her tail wasn’t docked. She looked like an old Highland farm dog. I walked her for miles. She was as cute as hell and people often stopped me and asked, “Is that a black Schnauzer?” I gave up squinting and explaining. I just growled and became known as the neighborhood eccentric.
As a writer, I’ve had four novels traditionally published. But, I’ve also written a whole bunch of shorter mysteries that were aimed at becoming one hour audio books—like the old one hour radio dramas popular before TV. In addition to seeing life as audio downloads and compact discs, they were simultaneously published as eBooks.
They’ve been moderately successful, and often reviewers say, “I loved this story, but it was too short. I don’t often read novellas.”
The squint came back. I’ve worn off an eighth-of-an-inch of tooth enamel gritting. I developed a facial tic, and if you want a tip on the stock market, buy Advil. I use truckloads to get rid of tension headaches. Obviously, I don’t handle this well.
I don’t write novellas. Fifty-five to seventy minute audio books are produced from 8,000 to 11,000 word stories which are technically novelettes.
So, how does a borderline obsessive/compulsive guy like me get the word out? Easy. Write an essay explaining the category of stories by length.
Here ya go:
The standard, generally accepted length for a flash fiction piece is 1000 words or less.
By contrast, a short-short measures 1,001 words to 2,500 words, and a traditional short story is 2,501 to 7,500 words.
A novelette runs from 7,501 words to 17,500.
A novella, 17,501 to 40,000 words.
And a novel 40,001 words and up.
I can’t find an official definition for those ponderous things over 100,000 words, but some call them epics.
Backing up to the flash fiction category, you might see things called Drabbles. They are exactly 100 words. Droubbles are exactly 200. I spent ten minutes on Google looking for what you call something exactly 300 and 400 words. I had no luck. Tribbles? Quadribbles? Who cares?
I don’t know why people try to be that specific. Someone told me it’s to test your skill and discipline. Hogwash. If it a story sounds better with 216 words, Droubbles be damned. The sound of your writing is all important.
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