On Bad Reviews

Aug 11, 2011 by

Some people have no bedside manner. That’s certainly true of a few book reviewers.

Don’t you hate to get bombed by a blogger who has only six followers and spends most of her time passing judgment on kitchen appliances? You ask yourself, “Why didn’t she leave my book alone and pick up a Veg-O-Matic?”

How should you handle the pain of a bad review? Let’s take it by the numbers and I’ll give you my thoughts.

1-Allow the steam to escape from your ears before proceeding.

2-Get all thoughts of physical violence and verbal retribution out of your system before moving on to step three.

3-Look at the poorly worded, opinionated, juvenile, asinine, obnoxious, nasty, insensitive, shit-for-brains review, written by an obviously uneducated cretan, OBJECTIVELY and assess its merit. Perhaps among all the hurtful statements, something can be learned from a valid point (no matter how ill-phrased).

4-Do not immediately click on Amazon’s comment box and write, “Oh, Yeah?”

5-If you must reply, (and there may not be a necessity to do so) you owe the reviewer (and your reputation) civility. Type in: “Thanks for your opinion,” and send it on its way. Then without delay, grab a paper and pen and for your mental wellbeing, finish your thought with: You moron! Up yours! What makes you think you would know a good book/story/poem (strike out those that do not apply) if it bit you in the ass?

My best advice (and who follows his/her own advice?): Don’t dwell on the negative thoughts of others. Most great authors have received criticism from someone.

Second best advice (and I like this one much better): If available, print out a photo of the reviewer and hope you see them on the street some day.

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May 10th, 2011

May 10, 2011 by

Good news came in this morning via email. A NEW PROSPECT won 1st place for a mystery at the 2011 Independent Publisher’s Book Awards. So, what does that mean? I get a cash prize, a certificate (suitable for framing) and a gold medal with a red, white and blue ribbon. Other than that, I now have to go around and find every unsold book on a shelf and add a small gold sticker from the IBPA. After May 20th, The 2011 contest results will be published and posted at www.IndieBookAwards.com .

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Another Prospect

May 8, 2011 by

Here’s a Mother’s Day gift to anyone who likes the Sam Jenkins stories. It began life as an entry to a theme short story contest. But because I have trouble limiting the number of words I use, it went over the limit. I chose my “time travel” adventure to be a sci-fi / western with a cast of familiar characters. A parallel universe story, perhaps.

—————

Katherine and I stood in front of the hottest new attraction in the touristy town of Pigeon Forge. It looked like nothing more than a small Airstream trailer hooked to an F-250, but the blue and white sign attached to the silver siding read:
Pike McGavick’s Time Machine.
See Your Past – Learn Your Future.
Nashville – New York – Singapore.

She handed me a ticket. “Happy Birthday, Sammy. Enjoy the trip.”

“Thanks. Should be quite an adventure.”

“Where are you going? Back to the French and Indian War?”

“Not that far.”

“Not to Vietnam again?”

“Hardly. I’ve heard my great, great grandfather had some trouble when he worked in New Mexico. Thought I’d stop by and see if I can lend a hand.”

“When was that?”

“1896.”

“You be careful.”

“Always am.”

We kissed good-bye.

A shady-looking character in a plaid three-piece suit waved me closer.

“Advanced ticket? Yes, sir. Right this way. And where are we going today?”

I told him.

“Yes, sir. Interesting choice.” He lifted a hinged panel on the trailer’s side, punched a few keys, and turned a few dials. “Remember now, in exactly four hours, be in the exact spot where you arrive. That’s the only way I can get you back. Understand?”

“I hear you.”

He held the door for me and ushered me into the trailer. Then he pointed to what looked like an old recliner. “Have a seat right here and you’ll be on your way.”

McGavick flipped a switch. The chair began to vibrate and I felt a tingle all over. Then I found myself standing on the edge of an old desert town. The sign in front of me said:
Welcome to New Prospect, New Mexico.
Population 439.
Ronald B. Shields, Mayor.

I walked down the dirt road past houses and shops until I stood in front of Kate’s Broadway Saloon. A pair of swinging doors offered little resistance. Inside, a six-footer with broad shoulders stood with his back to the bar. He looked to be in his mid-fifties. The badge on his vest said Town Marshal. Gray hair showed beneath his narrow-brimmed hat. He faced a table where three hard-cases sat.

The marshal said, “I could use a little help.”

Before anyone answered, a beautiful silver-haired woman descended the last three steps from the second floor. Everyone looked at her. She could have turned heads anywhere in the world. My eyes drew to her high cheek bones and low-cut dress.

“Hello, Sammy,” she said.

The marshal nodded. “Kate.”

The bartender poured her a drink from a crystal decanter. She took a sip.

I looked back at the table when one of the men spoke.

“Help with what?” He looked Italian and carried two double-action Colts butts forward on a black leather gunbelt.

“A convict named Butch Cavendish just got out of prison in Santa Fe. I hear he’s coming to kill me and sack the town. I need a few deputies.”

A large black man with a massive 8 gauge double-barreled shotgun across his lap drank from a coffee cup before speaking.

“How much you paying?”

“Dollar a day,” the marshal said.

“How much time we talkin’ about?” The Italian spoke with a New York Accent.

“Should be over this afternoon,” The marshal said.

“So, uh, Marshal, that’s really a dollar for a half day?” the third man, a chubby Irish-looking guy said.

“Right, John. You’ll get a dollar for a half day if that’s all it takes.”

“But you figger they’ll be a gunfight?” the black man said.

“I do.”

“How many men will this Cavendish bring?” the Italian asked.

“I guess a dozen, total.”

The black man spoke again. “Just us four against twelve?”

“I’ve got another deputy.”

“Okay, five against twelve.”

“You can count me in, mate.” The barman spoke with an English, north-country accent. He laid a sawed-off scattergun on the bar.

“Thanks, Reggie,” the marshal said.

Reggie nodded and dried a beer glass with a white towel.

“So, that’s only two a’piece,” the Italian said.

The marshal nodded. “Not all that bad.”

“Uh, Marshal, any chance you could make that two dollars a day?” the Irish man asked. “I’ve got some expenses coming up and . . .”

“Okay, John, a minimum of two bucks.”

John grinned sheepishly.

“You fellers in?” the marshal asked.

“Sure.” the black man said. “I got no place to go.”

“Yeah, me too,” the Italian added.

“Sam, Can I speak to you?” the woman asked, and again sipped from her glass.

The marshal stepped up to the bar. I followed. So far no one seemed to notice me. I brushed aside a feeling of inferiority and listened to their conversation.

“Sam, you don’t have to do this. What do you owe this town?”

“Have to walk away and still be able to look in the mirror, Kate.”

“I could sell this place. We could go back to New York. We’d have plenty to live on. Get married, maybe. I’m still young enough to have children. What do you say, Sam?

“Tempting offer, but I need to finish this first.”

“How about San Francisco? You say you like that town.”

“I’d love to, but business is business.”

“Sam, you can be such an idiot.”

“But you love me anyway.”

“I do. So be careful.”

“Always am.”

<><><>

I followed the marshal and the three gunmen across the street to the jail. As we entered, a big, young-looking deputy stood.

“Junior,” the marshal said, “these men will be helping out with the Cavendish gang. You know John Gallagher. Gentlemen introduce yourselves. Junior will give you badges.”

“Badges?” the Italian said, “We don’t need no stinking badges.”

“Okay,” Junior said.” Suit yerse’f. What’s yer name?”

“Ralph,” the Italian said.

“Stanley,” the black man said.

Everyone shook hands.

“Uh, what do you think is gonna happen, Marshal?” Gallagher asked.

“I put Cavendish in jail years ago,” the marshal said. “When he got out, he sort of issued a challenge. Said he’d be here today.”

“Where you figger?” Stanley asked.

“East end of town. Back of Ollie Krupp’s livery stable, there’s a corral.”

“Sounds easy to find,” Ralph said.

“You can’t miss it. There’s a sign,” Sam said, “OK’s Corral.”

“What time, Marshal?” John asked.

“High noon.”

Everyone nodded.

“Junior, tell everyone my plan. I’m going across the street for a few boxes of ammo.”

I followed the marshal to Lambert’s General Store.

A pretty blonde woman greeted him. She wore her hair up in a twist. Her simple cotton dress showed off a figure any girl would be proud of.

The marshal asked for several boxes of rifle and pistol cartridges and shot shells. She stacked them on the counter. He dropped several bills next to the ammo.

“In case anything happens, Betts. No sense putting this on my tab. The way this town runs, it might take you a month to get paid.”

She walked from behind the counter and stood close to him.

“How much help have you gotten, darlin’?” she asked.

“Reggie said he’d help. John Gallagher signed up for two dollars. Two other drifters will be there, and there’s Junior.”

“So it’s six against twelve?”

“I hope Cavendish doesn’t feel outnumbered.”

She ignored his smile.

“Did you call Sheriff Garrett?”

“Pat said he’s busy with those cattle wars. Can’t spare the men.”

“And what about your friend, Wyatt?”

“Wyatt?” He muffled a snort. “He’s in Alaska running a whorehouse and saloon. Ever since he took up with that Josie, he thinks of himself as a businessman.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Go tell Doc Rappaport we may need him. And stop at the undertaker’s. Tell Earl Ogle he’ll probably have some business.”

She straightened his collars and buttoned his vest. “You be careful, Sam Jenkins.”

“Always am.”

She touched his cheek like she genuinely cared.

<><><>

The marshal looked at his pocket watch and snapped the lid closed. “Ten to twelve,” he said. “No sense being late.”

Everyone nodded.

“Junior, go tell Reggie to bring his shotgun.”

The kid nodded and took off at a trot.

“Okay, gentlemen,” he said. “It’s show time.”

We all stepped into the street. The mottled gray sky looked like a dirty horse blanket.

“Better to shoot on a cloudy day,” the marshal said.

“Can see your sights better,” Stanley said. “No glare.”

The marshal carried an old brass-framed Henry rifle, a long-barreled Colt in a hand-tooled holster, and another pistol tucked into his waistband. The deputy and the bartender appeared on our left. Six men and I stood in the center of the street.

I tapped the marshal on the shoulder. His head jerked in my direction.

“Who the hell are you?” he asked.

“I thought you might want a little more help.”

“Ever do anything like this before?”

I grinned. “Once or twice. But I’ll need a gun.”

“Can only pay you two dollars.”

I nodded. “That’ll work.”

He pulled a break-top Schofield from his waistband and handed it to me butt first.

“It’s a good gun. Fast to reload.” He dug out a fistful of .44 caliber cartridges from his pocket and handed them to me.

“Thanks.” I cracked open the action to check the load.

He grinned. “They’re all there.”

“Sam!” someone called from across the street.

We turned to see a pretty, dark-haired girl run toward us from the newspaper office. She held a pad and pencil in her hand.

“Rachel, go back inside,” he said.

She was the third beauty I’d seen in New Prospect. I thought it might not be a bad place to live.

“Sam, please. Tell me what’s happening.”

“Not now, kiddo.”

“Damn it, Sam,” she said.

He turned to me. “Can you give her the story?”

“Sure,” I said.

“I’ve got to go,” he said.

“Be careful,” she said.

He winked. “You know I am.” Then to me he said, “Hurry up and meet me at the corral.”

Rachel looked at me for a moment. “Don’t I know you?”

“Not yet,” I said.

I gave her the information I knew and jogged to the stable and turned right into an alley.

The six men stood outside the corral fence next to two buckboards, their only source of cover. I took my place to the right of the marshal, the big Smith & Wesson hanging loosely at my side.

“Butch!” he called out. “Let’s get this over with.”

From the back of the stable, a dozen men walked out into the corral. In the center stood a thin man in a clean black suit and derby.

“Good ta see ya ag’in, Jinkins,” he said, brushing aside his coat and reaching for a nickel-plated revolver.

Jenkins brought the Henry up to his shoulder and fired a round into the man’s gut. Cavendish sunk to his knees and the marshal added a second hole in his forehead.
Stanley’s 8 gauge barked twice and took out a pair of saddle-tramps standing too close together.

I snapped up my gun and squeezed off a shot at a grubby-looking specimen with a drooping mustache and long curly sideburns.
I flinched from the noise of the shot gun, hit my man in the right hip, and followed up with another round to his chest.

John Gallagher crouched next to me, rapidly firing a lever-action rifle. Ralph fired his Colts simultaneously. Men in the corral fell dead.
Stanley’s shotgun sent another hail of pellets at one man and took him and half a wall down.

After reloading, I looked to my left. A fat Mexican with a Winchester aimed it at the marshal. I fired two quick shots. Both hit him square. He dropped the carbine and fell forward, scattering dust. Jenkins nodded at me.

I fired my next four rounds, ejected the six empties, and reloaded quickly by feel, my eyes darting from side to side. I heard a lull in the gunfire.

“You three in the barn,” the marshal yelled, “Cavendish is dead. This ain’t worth dying for. Toss out your guns and surrender.”

A long moment passed.

“Sorry, Marshal,” someone said. “We give up and you’ll only hang us.”

Three men burst from the barn firing their handguns. Two shotguns bellowed to my left. The marshal fired his rifle as fast as a Gattling gun until empty and dropped it on the ground. The spent cartridges bounced on the dirt near me. I emptied my gun at the three men. Gallagher’s rifle dry-fired twice, telling me he was empty, too.

Ralph ripped off another twelve rounds and from next to him came a scream. “Gat-dag! I’m hit.” Junior slumped to the ground clutching his knee.

After Jenkins fired a final round from his revolver, all the outlaws lay dead in the corral.

Ralph, Stanley, and Gallagher ran to check the bodies. The marshal holstered his Colt while I dropped another six rounds into the Smith.

Reggie was tying a red bandana around Junior’s knee as a small man carrying a medical bag knelt down next to the wounded deputy. A moment later, Bettye Lambert nudged the bartender out of the way and helped the doctor.

Kate stood in the alley waiting for Sam to join her. An undertaker wearing a top hat joined the three men checking the corpses.

Rachel the reporter stood nearby still holding her notebook. I walked over.

“I guess you’ll get a big story,” I said.

“I don’t know what to say. Is anyone else hurt?”

She used a lace-edged hankie to dab a spot of blood on my cheek.

“I think Junior is it. Looks like the doctor has things under control.”

“The noise was deafening.”

“Firefights tend to get that way.”

“There were a dozen of them,” she said, “and only seven of you. Magnificent.”

“That’s got a ring to it. Play around with that for a title.”

She smiled.

“I have to go.” I pointed my finger at her and let my thumb fall like the hammer of a gun. “See ya, doll-face.”

She smiled again.

A few feet away I knelt next to Junior. “How’s he doing?” I asked.

“He’s lost some blood,” Bettye Lambert said.

The doctor looked at me. “Aha, another gunfighter heard from. He’ll be alright. He’ll limp, but he’ll live. You two are friends?”

“We’ve just met.”

“That was some fancy shootin’ you done there, mister,” the kid said.

I nodded modestly. “They call you Junior. What’s your real name?”

“Ever’one jest calls me Junior.”

“Everybody’s got a name,” I said.

“His name’s Chester,” Bettye said.

“A deputy with a limp named Chester,” I said. “Son of a gun.”

I looked at my watch. Almost time to head home.

“Excuse me, folks. I should speak to the marshal before I leave. Chester, take care of yourself.”

“You two make a nice couple,” I said to Sam and Kate.

“I saw you kill that Mex,” Sam said.

I shrugged.

“He had me in his sights. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“And I thank you, too,” Kate added.

“Yes, ma’am. Be good to him. He looks old enough to retire.”

The marshal laughed. “Yeah, some day.”

“Well,” I said. “It’s about time for me to go. Nice meeting you all.”

“You have a horse?” he asked.

“I’m walking.”

“Where?”

“Just down the street. I’m meeting someone.”

“Thanks again. Stop by the jail later on to get your two bucks.”

“Sure.”

Kate smiled.

<><><>

“So, sweetie, how was your adventure?” my Kate asked.

“Very interesting.”

“You have to tell me all about it.”

“Let’s go order dinner and have a drink. I’ll tell you over a cocktail.”

“Looks like there’s blood on your cheek. How did you get cut?”

“Beats me.”

She looked closely. “You have a splinter. Hold still.”

She used her nails to pull the sliver of buckboard from my cheek.

“Ouch, I said.”

“Big baby.”

“That’s me.”

THE END

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Calvin Shepherd’s Bronze Star

Mar 22, 2011 by

Here’s an outtake from A NEW PROSPECT. Pre-publication reviewers seemed to like the scene, but I thought it sent the main story off to the sideline, causing things to slow down. But I’m into recycling.

Calvin Shepherd’s Bronze Star.
By Wayne Zurl
Copyright 2006
An outtake from A NEW PROSPECT. Published January 2011 by Black Rose Writing.

(Inspired by an actual incident. North Bellport, Suffolk County, NY, 1974)

(Fictional character, former NY detective turned Tennessee police chief, Sam Jenkins narrates the story)

We finished at ten-minutes-to-five. I should have gone home and poured a stiff drink. Instead, I walked into my office and sat down, wondering what I’d do next.

I sat back in my chair, put folded hands over my mid-section, and leaned back with my eyes closed, letting things run through my mind. I envisioned the famous New York detective, Nero Wolfe, in that posture contemplating a difficult case, his lips moving in and out; his faithful assistant, Archie Goodwin, waiting patiently for the genius to come up with a foolproof plan. Junior Huskey interrupted my thought process.

“Sam . . . you busy?”

I opened my eyes. “No, kid, I’m just thinking. Sit down, what do you need?”

He sat in a guest chair in front of my desk.

“I jest wanted ta git back ta my question.”

“You want to know what schlep is? Okay, here’s my best answer and advice. You schlepped through that job just fine, but don’t ever be a schlep, that’s not good. Understand?”

He looked more confused than before.

“No, sir, I meant the question I asked ya the other day, about why you took the job here. You didn’t git a chance to finish yer answer.”

“You actually listened, didn’t you?”

He nodded, and looked at me patiently.

Bettye walked in. I looked at my watch. It was five o’clock. I assumed she’d be ready to leave for the day.

“I just came in to say good-night,” she said.

“Thanks. Have a good evening. I’ll see you in the morning. I’m going to answer Junior’s question and then leave myself. We’ll be right behind you.”

“I heard what Junior asked. You mind if I stay and hear what you have to say?” 

Great, my past will be an open book.                                                                                                                  

“No, I don’t mind, if you don’t mind getting bored with my story.”

“Sam, so far you’ve been anythin’ but borin’.” She smiled and took the second chair next to Junior.

“Well . . . as I was saying . . . about having a purpose. This happened at least thirty-five years ago while I was working. I knew this middle-aged black man who gave me the idea.

“My sector car partner and I got a call to his house. We didn’t know any more than some neighbor called in a disturbance or altercation. I found my friend sitting on his front stoop, not looking too happy.

“I’d known him for the couple of years I worked that sector. Calvin Shepherd was a hard-working man—had a good job with the Long Island Railroad, and was a World War II vet, a paratrooper with the all-black 555th Infantry. He once told me he won a Bronze Star over in Europe. They weren’t easy medals to come by in the second war, especially for a black soldier.”

My audience sat nearly mesmerized. I thought I might enter one of those Appalachian story-telling contests.

“Most everyone called him Shep, but he was about my father’s age, and I thought calling him Mr. Shepherd would be more respectful. Anyway, he always called me Mr. Sam, so it seemed like the right thing to do.”

Bettye interrupted. “Did you work in an all-black area?”

“I guess about ninety-eight-percent black. That community built up just after the Korean War—a place with cheap housing for the returning veterans. After a while it became mostly black people who stayed.”

She nodded and looked anxious for me to continue. Junior listened attentively.

“I asked Calvin why he called and he started by saying, ‘Mr. Sam, I work ever’ day. I bring home a paycheck ever’ two weeks. I keep my house nice, and on Sundays I like to sit back and rest.’”

I told the story using my version of Ebonics to give the performance a theatrical atmosphere.

“Then Calvin pointed to the house and said, ‘She tol’ me I ain’t got no purpose. Said to me, a man’s got to have a purpose. I axed her, how’s you get food on this table if I ain’t got no damn purpose?

‘Mr. Sam, she cussed at me like no man should have ta hear. A man don’t got to take that if he make a good livin’ an’ he bring home honest money an’ don’t drink it away. I only hit her once an’ she do this to me.’

I switched back to my own voice and continued. “Shep moved his hands away from his stomach. The unbuttoned jacket he held pressed against his body swung to the side and blood showed on his fingers. His shirt was torn apart and soaked red. I should have seen it before. He showed me a wound made by taking both barrels of a twelve gauge shotgun, loaded with birdshot, square in the midsection. He was having a hell of a time keeping his intestines from falling out of his hands.”

Bettye winced at the thought, and Junior sat forward a little more waiting for the punch-line.

“I yelled to my partner, who told the dispatcher to contact the medics. Louie, the guy I worked with, ran over with the first-aid kit. We did as much as we could, packing the massive wound with the biggest trauma bandages available. The ambulance arrived quickly and took Calvin away.”

Bettye and Junior made the best audience I can remember. Both waited silently for the ending.

“I went into the house and found Mrs. Shepherd standing in the kitchen washing dishes. I asked her why she shot her husband, and she denied it.

“I found a shotgun propped up against the wall behind the front door. It smelled of cordite and I found two spent shells in the breech.

“The evidence technician who responded for me did a Harrison test on her hands and found gunpowder residue. She still denied it.”

Time to end my story and head home.

“So folks, I figured I had better get me a new purpose in life lest somebody might do something bad to me. Besides, all the tension I’ve built up over the last fourteen years will probably dissipate as soon as I can rip off some bad-guy after a long high-speed chase. Know what I mean?”

Neither Junior nor Bettye responded to my late attempt at humor.

“Did Mr. Shepherd make it?” Junior asked.

I shook my head.

He followed up with, “What happened?”

“He held on for a couple of days, but then he finally passed away.”

“Oh, Lord, what a shame,” Bettye said.

“A couple of weeks later,” I said, “they received a phone call for me at the precinct. His daughter, who lived in another part of town, wanted to see me—something about Calvin’s will.

” Lou and I drove to her house. I went in and told her how I knew her father and thought he was a stand-up guy. I said how sorry I felt when he never recovered.

“She handed me a cigar box. Calvin left me his Bronze Star, three campaign medals, jump wings, combat infantryman’s badge, and a photo of himself in uniform with two other soldiers.

“She said her father didn’t know my last name. He just left those things to Mr. Sam from the 5th Precinct.”

“That’s really beautiful, Sam. Do you still have the medals and picture?” Bettye asked.

“No, I kept a picture of them and donated everything to the Airborne Museum at Fort Benning. I figured other people should know something about Calvin Shepherd, too.”

“Shoot,” Junior said.

“Lord have mercy. That’s so sad.” Bettye touched the corner of her right eye.

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